I sat at the threshold of the door to the backyard.

I patted the back of Aarshi as she stirred lightly in my embrace.

My eyes were fixed on the sun dipping at the horizon-until the amber was only left in the sky.

And there was no sun.

Yet I couldn't bring myself to look away.

Minutes turned into hours.

Slowly the sky darkened.

I blinked as the roses that lined the flower bed turned translucent in my vision with time.

Or maybe they always appeared translucent.

Evening.

It was said that-it was a bad omen to sit at the threshold-during this time.

The words of my mother echoed in my ears like a faint memory which I hadn't heard in years.

Shaam ke samay dehleez par nahi baitha karte.

But still I sat there.

Because it felt right.

Watching the air slowly turning colder and the chirping of the birds-settling down into peace.

Maybe this was my way of peace.

Or maybe no bad omen affected me now.

I looked down as both Ritvik and Aarshi stirred.

Ritvik's face twisted as the mosquitoes slowly lingered around us.

He blinked a few times as he looked at me.

Admiration.

No.

Because this was only with him.

It was innocence-same brown eyes.

My grip tightened around him just slightly,

As my hands worked to carefully cover them with the saree pallu.

I still didn't get up.

This darkness felt like mine.

And the thoughts felt like him.

I pressed my palms on the floor.

It felt cold.

Slowly I got up-almost reluctantly.

Aarshi looked at me.

Then she started wiggling in my arms.

I gently placed her on the ground.

The chime of anklets filled the space.

As she walked-one step, second step.

And then her balance staggered.

But before she could fall.

I held her hand.

A little too tightly.

The way she lost her balance didn't set well.

Or maybe the anklets echoed too loudly in the silence of the wall.

That it felt like a noise.

She looked at it curiously.

Then she again-wriggled her feet.

Fascination-that's what she felt.

And I felt-

I don't know.

Maybe numb, hollowness.

"Mumma"

My gaze darted to Ritvik.

I knew.

It was late.

"Mumma."

"Haan bhukh lagi hai mere bete ko."

I smiled gently-as I slowly dragged my fingers through his hair.

Adjusting them.

I gently made him stand on his feet.

He followed me as I crossed the lawn.

"Bhabhi"

I looked up to her as I was about to enter the kitchen.

"Mum, mum..."

Aarshi whispered as she clutched my pallu.

I walked to the kitchen,

and filled the glass.

I raised my brows towards Trisha.

I held out the glass-in front Aarshi as I leaned down.

"Bhabhi khana bana diya hai, ab mai jaaun."

Trisha.

She stayed with us,

For the past two years.

Bhopal.

She was the first one,

I met only to realise-

Strangers are sometimes easy to face.

My thoughts snapped as the azaan drifted from somewhere.

It was all different.

I kept the glass back on the slab,

And wiped Aarshi mouth-with my hand.

I hummed.

Trisha looked at me-once.

I was about to take out the food.

When I didn't feel the shift.

I looked at her.

She shifted-just at her place.

I took out dal and roti on the plate.

Gently meshing them together.

"Kaho"

"Wo bhabhi...."

I walked outside in the lawn.

Aarshi and Ritvik blabbered something among themselves.

She followed me closely.

"Aapke sasural se phone aya tha-"

I kept the plate with the thud on the table.

That forced her to swallow the information.

My hands worked to feed both my kids.

She shook her head.

"Aap chali kyun nahi jaati hain?"

I fed the bite to Ritvik.

The space suddenly felt constricted.

"University jana hota hai."

I kept on feeding them.

They sat quietly.

"Itne din hogaye hain, unka bhi dil-"

Before she could complete it.

I walked inside the kitchen.

I chugged down the water in one go,

and it irritated my stomach somehow.

I was able to feel her gaze on me.

Yet I didn't turn.

Until the sounds of feet faded into the distance.

I rubbed my hand on my face.

And walked back with the jug of water and glass.

Both dark brown eyes turned towards me.

They were too quiet and simple.

I smiled.

As I made them drink the water, and before I could wipe Ritvik's face.

He wiped it in my pallu.

My smile dimmed.

Just for a second.

🌷

I stared at the ceiling.

My wrist felt too light as I patted Aarshi's head slowly.

The night had turned darker.

They had already drifted to sleep.

Yet I wasn't able to stop patting.

Habit.

I tried to shift-turn.

Anything.

But then I got up.

Something coiled inside my stomach.

Hunger.

But it felt right.

I switched on the lamp.

The gentle glow reflected.

My face-in the mirror of the art-piece.

I immediately shifted my eyes to the files.

Thesis.

I gripped the pen in my hand,

as I started evaluating them gradually.

Night turned-lighter.

So did my eyes-

And eventually I flopped on to the desk.

I was able to see my hazy reflection-in the mirror.

Scattered hair.

But I closed my eyes.

The familiar smell of pages enveloped me.

🌷

The rain had stopped,

as I stood with her at the door.

I didn't dare to look into her eyes.

The way she was repeatedly looking at her feet.

The rain-had something today.

The way it made her feet look like-

The alta.

The moment I had touched it.

The silver of the moon,

Didn't do any justice to it.

I raked my hair.

Water dripped out of it.

Every time she shifted slightly-

The cold wind felt soothing.

Maybe it was the sound of her anklets.

I tapped my feet on the floor as I waited for my sister to open the door.

It was late.

Almost mid-night.

And post rain.

The scent felt so good to stand with.

Aaj meri dulhan waali baat thi usme.

She was my wife, since I married her.

Par, aaj wo meri dulhan lag rahi thi.

The door clicked open.

I inhaled sharply.

My mother stood at the door, leaning against the frame.

I almost stopped breathing.

To be continued...

Unedited.